Astral Samurai

I've been in California now for a week and its been frustrating. Granted its the first week and for a semi-permanent move I did anticipate that their would be problems. So far two things have gone wrong and it feels like a blow to the face. My grandmother, I don't know, she seems to be in pain often, and she has been grumpy. Anything I can do to help gets ridiculed and criticized. Its not a good feeling at all to get this treatment. I am trying to help her, not trying to demean her. I almost feel like saying, "Treat others as you would like to be treated." I do get the sense I am being taken for granted, and there is this angry thought to just jump back on the plane and ditch her. But that wouldn't be responsible. I have thought a few times, retirement home but she would never forgive me for that. I wouldn't want her there either, but I do feel like she has lost some of her wits. I don't think I would do very well at 85 myself, for 85 s...

Its cooled down in the house but tempers have been hot. Whether its just myself thats causing all this or something else I do not know. The kids are nearly back in school, my son has been cramming books into his brain, and my daughter chatting away on her phone about last minute hang outs, and boys. Damn it I am not ready to have that talk, you know the one, the one about rocks and pebbles in the stream? I've made some personal strides in my art and am employed as a graphic designer now making enough to get us and the house back up to speed. My wife still works too though I hear less and less from her about her job. We've been in a happy place for a while since things have been looking up but now there is some kind of rebelliousness from all of them and I feel like the bad guy. My son left a note on his door that made me feel miserable and I didn't know what to think or say. I asked my wife if she saw the note on his door and she nodded yes, "Did you say any...

I guess its something of a cyclic thing. Whenever my wife and I get into an argument that neither of us can win I drift away from home. Its not that its such an intensely firey issue, its that its so damn hot outside and inside that neither of us are happy nor the kids. She keeps telling me to install central air, but this is not a cheap task. I don't have the money for it and neither does she. Neither of us are all that comfortable and my son insisted on sleeping outside some nights. My wife scolded me about that, "Get him an air conditioner! Whats wrong with you!" I nodded my head and decided to go goobying on Tuesday nights whenever people toss their old crap out for trash. I didn't get too lucky, no air conditioners, or humidifiers spotted not even a beat up one. The frustration sometimes gets me to the point where I want to throw something, or punch a wall. Instead I've been hopping out to bars, and trying to stay far away from the situation. Sinc...