The Strife of the Married Life

It has been sometime since I have written anything at all here. 

From the Babylon 5 Wikipedia "For [Centauri] the nobility, marriage ceremonies themselves are considered solemn, sober occasions filled with moments of reflection, regret, disagreement, argument and mutual recrimination. The thinking being that once you know that it cannot get any worse one can relax and "enjoy" the marriage. To celebrate a union with joy and exuberance is considered to be a very bad sign for the future. By contrast; state funerals are generally considered to be positively festive.^[20]"

Though it may seem archaic to us Americans. The Centauri way always seems to make more sense then how it is in our society. After all if my wife and I had discussed our disagreements before we were to be married then I am sure it would have been happier for both of us. 

Right now things are not good. My wife is carrying this house on her back and she blames me completely for quitting my job last year. Now so much shit has come up I don't even know where to begin. The one thing that really had me pissed off was that she said I didn't bring our son up the right way. 

There is a reason she says this and it is about his bullying. Hes hard headed, like me but he has yet to learn temperance. He has been sent home three times this year and we have been told if there is a fourth incident he may be suspended from school. With the added possibility of going to special education which I don't want for him. 

Hes very smart and his grades are excellent. He just likes to find trouble, like I did when I was younger. My wife points to me and says that I never was able to say "no" to him. This is not true, I say no when he does something completely wrong and has no explanation. I've never shown him anger though I've always talked things out with my son. 

My wife on the other hand was always the assertive one. That is how she stole my heart anyway, she never would leave me alone. Not that I crave being alone but there are times in the middle of the night that I have time to myself and I use that time to create. 

My daughter was always the manipulative type. She is smart on her feet, she learns quickly. I am inclined to think she gets that from her mother. Its not necessarily a bad thing it has made her a better survivor. Now she is interested in boys and I shall not think of what kind of conversations she has with her girlfriends. Her social nature has put her grades behind though. 

Where was I going with all this? Well I suppose its just my impression that my son has the same flaws I do and my daughter the same as her mother. I feel in that sense we have failed them they should be better than the both of us. Perhaps when I am older I will be able to say, "son I wish I would have done as well as you have." If he doesn't though I will not hate him for it after all no one is perfect. Not even Christ was perfect he did die if I'm not mistaken. 

My wife and I have been arguing over the most innate things. Who eats first at the table, how much water we use, the Air Conditioning now that it is nearly summer. I know we are broke, I know we are behind in our payments. I know life is not any easier for her or me. But I cannot understand for the life of me what arguing about what cannot be changed. 

I'm frustrated with her to say the least. Shes said I should see a psychiatrist now! That crossed the line for me. I walked out of the house and went to the bar drank myself to a stupor fell asleep on the couch which has been my usual bed for the past few months now. 

I'm angry about all of this, my son, my daughter, my wife. Its all falling apart...