The Ones That Got Away

How long have I been married now I am asking myself. Has it really been four years? There was so much hope in the beginning, so much joy and love.

We were inseparable from each other we were both at our happiest. I felt lucky to have her near me after all we had been through together.

I wanted our marriage to last as long as my grandparents had. They stuck together through everything even at their bedsides in their last moments together. How romantic and old fashioned. How courageous not to give up on your other half. I never asked my grandparents about their other relationships before they were married.

I knew them as Nanny and Jaja when I was young they seemed so tall but when I got older we were on equal footing in more ways than one.

I look at my wife she still is beautiful, still as gorgeous as the day we kissed.

I remember the candle light dinner on the beach in Florida. Both of our families shared themselves to each other. It was perhaps the most diplomatic event I have ever witnessed.

When we bought the house off my father and he moved out it was just the two of us. At first everything was perfect we barely got out of bed the first week. She had just become a full time nurse at a hospital nearby. I was working retail. The jobs kept us busy for the most part.

Then she asked about children. I wasn't ready but I agreed now was the perfect time. 9 months later we had our first boy and then another year following a girl.

I remember the day my son was born I was so wired I had to get a drink. I didn't care where I just needed a beer to calm me down. I went to a local bar as soon as I walked in felt as if I had recognized the bartender even though we never met. It was a strange feeling, very strange.

Its not everyday you meet the girl of your dreams.

I could not betray my wife but we did talk for a time. There was this dark feeling, a twisted thought that I had made a mistake. That perhaps I had found my so called soul mate.

There was a feeling of protectiveness of her. As if she were the little sister I never had.

For some reason I am reflecting on all the would be girlfriends I would have had. Maybe it is that I am getting bored of our love life. Some kind of strange pain pierces my heart and I think to myself maybe I could have been more loved and a better lover.