The Fun Stops Here!

Its the end of October, near Hallows Eve.
its been an eventful two months.
Things couldn't have gone better.
There were and are a lot of stressful situations that surmounted over the weeks.
My grandmother had pain most if not all of the time til yesterday.
I am hoping that with her getting better that will take pressure off of me.
I do make time to do my Yoga, and every weekend I've done some random thing.
Yosemite with friends, rock climbing, family stuff, photoshoots, and some light travelling.

The thing is every time I come back from a great experience, the good vibes turn to bad vibes and I just feel terrible.
Like in some sense I'm goofing off when I could be writing more, finding meaningful employment, computing math.

I do get snuffed out of quite a bit of the party type deals.
I'm more of the bouncer type anyway looking for a problem before it develops.
(The last house party I went to I ended up cleaning glasses and dumping bottles out)
Thats just the type of person I am with that.
When I was younger not so much, hell I'd been literally kicked out of parties in my teens.

I never successfully hooked up with anyone either and at that time that was the thrill of going to a party.
I guess there is a part of me that would want to see what kind of damage I could do but knowing what I know I can't do that.

Really I just want to dance, get my groove on, grind a bit, and go home without a hangover.
Should this happen tomorrow I will be happy...
But will the bad vibes come back and hit harder?

I started saying to myself, well I hope something miserable happens to me, like a car smashes into me, or I fall from a climb, or a fight, maybe it'll be something really simple. This way I'll feel better about myself.

Of course my answer to this was to solo climb in an indoor gym so not very courageous.

Fingers are crossed that things maintain a steady turn next Month.
I may even be able to start constructing that guitar or at the least have the materials needed to start.
Might have my license by then too.

Its hip to be square!

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