The Underbridge
It could't have just been me everything seemed to slow down.
In my mind words sounded slow, my eyes blinked slower.
I had definitely lost track of time and felt almost winded.
Like a cold punch in the chest.
I stopped somewhere off the Jersey Turnpike.
Pausing to think, rest and consider what the hell I was doing.
At this point I thought too much of going back to the house and cuddling in bed with my wife.
I stared at the clock dashboard reading 2:14 AM I realized I hadn't really slept since yesterday.
Then it hit me, thats why I am so tired.
The adrenaline from the way the last few hours went had worn off.
I went through the cooler and grabbed a sandwich staring at the neon lights still on from a nearby gas station.
I kept the car running still thinking while eating.
I'm exhausted I need to just crash for the night.
I didn't want to go into a sleazy motel or even a ritzy hotel.
This is supposed to be a crazy road trip, damn it!
I gotta find a bridge somewhere.
I tossed other ideas around about just driving without any sleep at all.
Looking at the clock again I couldn't do it, 2:25 AM.
My whole body begged for sleep and at this point I shut the car off, stepped out of the car, looked around and jumped in the back seat.
I neglected to bring a blanket or pillow so I ended up balling some clothes into a bunch and rested my head.
My eyes would shoot open every so often with this unconscious paranoia that I was being broken into.
Eventually I closed my eyes long enough that sleep finally took over.
I woke up late probably around 9 AM from my own snoring with a weird headache.
It almost felt like a hangover from a buzz that wasn't even that good.
I slowly got out of the car and the rest stop was now mostly packed.
I pulled out a cigarette and tried to let the nicotine do the thinking while I adjusted to the headache.
I wonder if she found out by now...Maybe shes called?
I rustled through my stuff in the car finding the cell phone half out of battery power.
I slapped my forehead, did I forget that too?
Luckily I found the charger but had no adapter to plug it in.
In any case no one called, I assumed since the weekend arrived everyone slept in late.
I closed the phone and looked around the rest stop from the windshield.
I decided on coffee hoping it would clear up my headache and get me moving.
When I grabbed a large cup of coffee I came eye to eye with someone buying a bottle of Coca Cola.
I was about to open my mouth about the soda, Hey that's illegal!
But realizing I was actually in Jersey now and I'm not a geek working at Gamestop worried about Jay Walking, I swallowed my tongue and payed for my coffee.
The sun grabbed the morning and the coffee sunk in slowly.
Some random person asked me about routes to Washington D.C. and I just shrugged my shoulders, "Donno buddy."
For some reason I could hear a saxophone in my mind I looked around to make sure it was just me.
And not some random person playing the sax in a roadside rest stop.
I went over the events from yesterday, talking to my son, coaxing my wife, and then leaving without a good bye. There was a regretful feeling like something I'd been doing wrong but could never take back.
By now I'd finished the coffee and the headache had pretty much drifted away.
I jumped in the car and took off still without any concrete plans as to where I was going exactly.
I got back on the highway and I just took in the road, radio on, hoping that my wife would call angry or not.
I wanted to have the argument I didn't want to have.
I wanted her accepting of my decision to leave and just go out on my own.
Another hour passed without a word even from myself.
I started feeling sadness like somebody close died or maybe it was that a part of me died.
I couldn't be sure what was making me so depressed.
Yes, the expectation that my wife might scream yell and ask for a divorce was lingering.
I thought of the kids I knew they'd do fine without me, and hey two weeks is no big deal for them.
Having this strange distaste must have effected my driving I was not paying attention at all and someone cut in front of me. Like Autopilot I was letting the car do all the work. This isn't good for any driver and leaves one open to all kinds of disasters. I knew if I had someone in the car with me it would be a lot easier to deal with driving. Again fantasies about driving into a bar and picking up a local creeped in.
Another hours time and I'd almost made it out of Jersey into Pennsylvania.
Still without a clue exactly where I was going.
I didn't want to think about that phone call.
I went through the toll booth into Pennsylvania.
And suddenly without warning that depressed feeling flew away.
I felt more aware of everything like I'd woken up into a dream.
I kept questioning the reality of it all.
Is this really happening? Am I really running away from home?
If it is real...
And I am driving to...
The other side of the country...
Why isn't anyone looking for me?
There is always that rule that if you pinch yourself it will assure you, you're not dreaming.
So I pinched myself.
I was satisfied.
I pressed on the pedal a little harder this time.
Maybe it was the radio blasting Led Zeppelin again.
I was speeding now probably going about 80 miles an hour.
It wasn't hard to deal with the other cars, I was on high alert.
It was like I had eyes in the back of my head at least when I was staring into the rear view mirrors.
I wasn't even bothering to think.
But when the song ended I let up on the pedal again.
I kept glancing at the cell phone, still no call.
By around 12 I got viciously hungry and I thought of my wife's pizza.
I tried to ignore it for a good hour and finally gave in and found a diner.
When I started ordering I realized I'd forgotten to tell my employer what I was doing.
I scratched my head, and started writing the emails in my head.
Dear So and So,
Hey something happened but I'll be available same as always.
Sincerely,
-Me
I ate the burger I ordered quickly enough taking down a few glasses of water.
The waitress looked pretty, busted and not in the titular way.
I gave her an extra tip hoping it would make her feel better.
Besides she did fill every glass up on cue.
When I left the diner I figured I had to write out those emails.
So going to the car, I powered up the laptop.
I kept revising the email until I got fed up and just wrote,
Dear Boss,
Ya know I'm running away from home?
I'll send any of the updates to the designs via internet.
Sorry I won't be in the office.
-Me
P.S. Can I get a raise?
And that was it. Simple.
Though I did get that regretful feeling.
I am so getting fired!
In the long run it wouldn't have been a big deal.
I started having reservations about the company anyway.
They were starting to change their message and I felt more like a marketer then a graphic designer at that point.
Never had the gall to outright say it though.
I turned the wheel again and still was antsy by the time the sun started going down.
I ended up turning off when I saw this little forested town.
The sun peaking over it and telling the townsfolk, "Good Night."
Oddly enough the town was packed, glasses clanking from inside bars, laughter every few blocks, and nowhere to park really.
I went up and down every street looking for parking.
I almost gave up and drove back out of town.
I wound up in front of a tiny wooden bridge.
A smile must have breached my face when I realized it.
I parked the car off the road on the other side of the bridge.
I walked over to a nearby gas station that looked like it had been there since the beginning of cars.
I bought a six pack of beer and walked under the bridge, slipping and getting my pants dirty going down.
I brushed it off glad that I didn't drop the beer going down.
I was really surprised when I noticed someone else already camped out down there.
Uncertain if I should stay I tried to find something coherent to say, "Are you uhh..."
The guy looked up at me, "Fucked up? Yeah..." I didn't know what else to say or think and my immediate reaction was to start going back up to the road.
"What ya got there?" he asked.
I looked at the six pack and just told him the truth, "Heineken."
He bobbed his head in understanding, "Alright Heiny's."
This guy is baked...
He looked at me and the beer and even in the dark I could see he wasn't threatening.
I stared back up at the hill toward the top of the road and he started mumbling then spoke out, "You're not from around here huh?"
I shook my head, "Nope."
Again subtle nodding, "Good because everybodies assholes around here!"
"Yeah..."
I guess curiosity overtook me and I asked him if I could hang for a bit.
"Sure man I ain't got no money though so forget that."
"Uhh no problem..."
Sitting down and rummaging through the beer I realized I couldn't open them I didn't have even a swiss army knife on me.
He looked over, "Hey lemme show you a trick." I handed him the bottle and he gripped the bottle cap with his teeth prying back the cap slowly till it released enough that he could pull it off.
"Ouch." I said.
"Yeah man..."
"Keep the beer..." I said.
"Thanks."
I knew I wasn't going to be able to do the same and I liked my teeth so I looked around for an object.
I saw a small pointy stone and after a few minutes I finally got it open.
He'd been sipping down the beer while rambling on about "This town." how, "drugs and stupid cops fucked up his life." I could see this guy was at the point of no return. Whatever dimension his brain was in he already gave up on it all. I blocked out most of the unnerving stuff he said just saying, "yeah." to pretty much everything.
He started asking me random questions and I only answered the ones I thought were answerable to a complete stranger on his last leg.
"You ever done heroin?" he asked.
"No never." I said."
"Yeah...So why are you out here anyway?"
"I'm on vacation sorta driving cross country to California."
"No shit..."
This kind of questioning went on and some point we ended up silently drinking, staring at a moon lit stream under a wooden bridge.
I'd made it to my second beer by now and he'd gone through another one too.
When all of a sudden everything started happening at once. My phone beeped with an email from work.
My boss wrote back nervously but not hostile or accusatory.
I was thinking of what I'd have to write back.
The junkie next to me asked, "Whats that?"
"Email from work...They're worried." I said.
"Oh what did you say you did?" he asked.
"Graphic design."
In the next minute or so my phone rang it was my wife.
Perfect timing...
I realized I completely forgotten what I had planned to say to my wife over the phone when I answered.
"Hey." I said.
"Where the hell are you?!" she yelled.
"Uhh Pennsylvania."
"COME HOME NOW!" again piercing my skull.
"I can't we discussed this last night remember?"
"Discussed it? I was drunk!"
"Well...It was a good night though..."
I looked over at the junkie guy and I capped the phone speaker for an instant and whispered, "My wife..."
He bobbed his head and sipped back another gulp of beer.
"...And you are supposed to drive them to school!"
"I thought you'd have seen the note in the morning no?"
I heard Jake trying to yell over her and his sister in the background, "She made me do it dad I wasn't gonna tell her!"
I was starting to get angry as she kept cursing and finding every verbal way to get at me.
Unsure of which logical approach to take, "Well thats just fucking great!" I said.
"IF you do not return home this instant I will call the police, I will file for a divorce I will take them away from you! This is not...This is not a joke or a story of yours!"
I sighed deeply and pretty much started pleading, I knew I couldn't win the argument when she said, "Get yourself the fuck together and come home!" and then the hangup.
Realizing a moment later what I'd actually wanted to say.
The junkie guy looked at me, "Damn man she sounds like a real bitch!"
"I know."
I finished another beer and wished the junkie under the bridge good luck.
"Keep the beer." I said.
"Hey thanks man!"
It made me feel better anyway.
Now that I made it back to the car I tried to figure out which issue to address first.
An angry wife or a worried boss.
Damn it!
In my mind words sounded slow, my eyes blinked slower.
I had definitely lost track of time and felt almost winded.
Like a cold punch in the chest.
I stopped somewhere off the Jersey Turnpike.
Pausing to think, rest and consider what the hell I was doing.
At this point I thought too much of going back to the house and cuddling in bed with my wife.
I stared at the clock dashboard reading 2:14 AM I realized I hadn't really slept since yesterday.
Then it hit me, thats why I am so tired.
The adrenaline from the way the last few hours went had worn off.
I went through the cooler and grabbed a sandwich staring at the neon lights still on from a nearby gas station.
I kept the car running still thinking while eating.
I'm exhausted I need to just crash for the night.
I didn't want to go into a sleazy motel or even a ritzy hotel.
This is supposed to be a crazy road trip, damn it!
I gotta find a bridge somewhere.
I tossed other ideas around about just driving without any sleep at all.
Looking at the clock again I couldn't do it, 2:25 AM.
My whole body begged for sleep and at this point I shut the car off, stepped out of the car, looked around and jumped in the back seat.
I neglected to bring a blanket or pillow so I ended up balling some clothes into a bunch and rested my head.
My eyes would shoot open every so often with this unconscious paranoia that I was being broken into.
Eventually I closed my eyes long enough that sleep finally took over.
I woke up late probably around 9 AM from my own snoring with a weird headache.
It almost felt like a hangover from a buzz that wasn't even that good.
I slowly got out of the car and the rest stop was now mostly packed.
I pulled out a cigarette and tried to let the nicotine do the thinking while I adjusted to the headache.
I wonder if she found out by now...Maybe shes called?
I rustled through my stuff in the car finding the cell phone half out of battery power.
I slapped my forehead, did I forget that too?
Luckily I found the charger but had no adapter to plug it in.
In any case no one called, I assumed since the weekend arrived everyone slept in late.
I closed the phone and looked around the rest stop from the windshield.
I decided on coffee hoping it would clear up my headache and get me moving.
When I grabbed a large cup of coffee I came eye to eye with someone buying a bottle of Coca Cola.
I was about to open my mouth about the soda, Hey that's illegal!
But realizing I was actually in Jersey now and I'm not a geek working at Gamestop worried about Jay Walking, I swallowed my tongue and payed for my coffee.
The sun grabbed the morning and the coffee sunk in slowly.
Some random person asked me about routes to Washington D.C. and I just shrugged my shoulders, "Donno buddy."
For some reason I could hear a saxophone in my mind I looked around to make sure it was just me.
And not some random person playing the sax in a roadside rest stop.
I went over the events from yesterday, talking to my son, coaxing my wife, and then leaving without a good bye. There was a regretful feeling like something I'd been doing wrong but could never take back.
By now I'd finished the coffee and the headache had pretty much drifted away.
I jumped in the car and took off still without any concrete plans as to where I was going exactly.
I got back on the highway and I just took in the road, radio on, hoping that my wife would call angry or not.
I wanted to have the argument I didn't want to have.
I wanted her accepting of my decision to leave and just go out on my own.
Another hour passed without a word even from myself.
I started feeling sadness like somebody close died or maybe it was that a part of me died.
I couldn't be sure what was making me so depressed.
Yes, the expectation that my wife might scream yell and ask for a divorce was lingering.
I thought of the kids I knew they'd do fine without me, and hey two weeks is no big deal for them.
Having this strange distaste must have effected my driving I was not paying attention at all and someone cut in front of me. Like Autopilot I was letting the car do all the work. This isn't good for any driver and leaves one open to all kinds of disasters. I knew if I had someone in the car with me it would be a lot easier to deal with driving. Again fantasies about driving into a bar and picking up a local creeped in.
Another hours time and I'd almost made it out of Jersey into Pennsylvania.
Still without a clue exactly where I was going.
I didn't want to think about that phone call.
I went through the toll booth into Pennsylvania.
And suddenly without warning that depressed feeling flew away.
I felt more aware of everything like I'd woken up into a dream.
I kept questioning the reality of it all.
Is this really happening? Am I really running away from home?
If it is real...
And I am driving to...
The other side of the country...
Why isn't anyone looking for me?
There is always that rule that if you pinch yourself it will assure you, you're not dreaming.
So I pinched myself.
I was satisfied.
I pressed on the pedal a little harder this time.
Maybe it was the radio blasting Led Zeppelin again.
I was speeding now probably going about 80 miles an hour.
It wasn't hard to deal with the other cars, I was on high alert.
It was like I had eyes in the back of my head at least when I was staring into the rear view mirrors.
I wasn't even bothering to think.
But when the song ended I let up on the pedal again.
I kept glancing at the cell phone, still no call.
By around 12 I got viciously hungry and I thought of my wife's pizza.
I tried to ignore it for a good hour and finally gave in and found a diner.
When I started ordering I realized I'd forgotten to tell my employer what I was doing.
I scratched my head, and started writing the emails in my head.
Dear So and So,
Hey something happened but I'll be available same as always.
Sincerely,
-Me
I ate the burger I ordered quickly enough taking down a few glasses of water.
The waitress looked pretty, busted and not in the titular way.
I gave her an extra tip hoping it would make her feel better.
Besides she did fill every glass up on cue.
When I left the diner I figured I had to write out those emails.
So going to the car, I powered up the laptop.
I kept revising the email until I got fed up and just wrote,
Dear Boss,
Ya know I'm running away from home?
I'll send any of the updates to the designs via internet.
Sorry I won't be in the office.
-Me
P.S. Can I get a raise?
And that was it. Simple.
Though I did get that regretful feeling.
I am so getting fired!
In the long run it wouldn't have been a big deal.
I started having reservations about the company anyway.
They were starting to change their message and I felt more like a marketer then a graphic designer at that point.
Never had the gall to outright say it though.
I turned the wheel again and still was antsy by the time the sun started going down.
I ended up turning off when I saw this little forested town.
The sun peaking over it and telling the townsfolk, "Good Night."
Oddly enough the town was packed, glasses clanking from inside bars, laughter every few blocks, and nowhere to park really.
I went up and down every street looking for parking.
I almost gave up and drove back out of town.
I wound up in front of a tiny wooden bridge.
A smile must have breached my face when I realized it.
I parked the car off the road on the other side of the bridge.
I walked over to a nearby gas station that looked like it had been there since the beginning of cars.
I bought a six pack of beer and walked under the bridge, slipping and getting my pants dirty going down.
I brushed it off glad that I didn't drop the beer going down.
I was really surprised when I noticed someone else already camped out down there.
Uncertain if I should stay I tried to find something coherent to say, "Are you uhh..."
The guy looked up at me, "Fucked up? Yeah..." I didn't know what else to say or think and my immediate reaction was to start going back up to the road.
"What ya got there?" he asked.
I looked at the six pack and just told him the truth, "Heineken."
He bobbed his head in understanding, "Alright Heiny's."
This guy is baked...
He looked at me and the beer and even in the dark I could see he wasn't threatening.
I stared back up at the hill toward the top of the road and he started mumbling then spoke out, "You're not from around here huh?"
I shook my head, "Nope."
Again subtle nodding, "Good because everybodies assholes around here!"
"Yeah..."
I guess curiosity overtook me and I asked him if I could hang for a bit.
"Sure man I ain't got no money though so forget that."
"Uhh no problem..."
Sitting down and rummaging through the beer I realized I couldn't open them I didn't have even a swiss army knife on me.
He looked over, "Hey lemme show you a trick." I handed him the bottle and he gripped the bottle cap with his teeth prying back the cap slowly till it released enough that he could pull it off.
"Ouch." I said.
"Yeah man..."
"Keep the beer..." I said.
"Thanks."
I knew I wasn't going to be able to do the same and I liked my teeth so I looked around for an object.
I saw a small pointy stone and after a few minutes I finally got it open.
He'd been sipping down the beer while rambling on about "This town." how, "drugs and stupid cops fucked up his life." I could see this guy was at the point of no return. Whatever dimension his brain was in he already gave up on it all. I blocked out most of the unnerving stuff he said just saying, "yeah." to pretty much everything.
He started asking me random questions and I only answered the ones I thought were answerable to a complete stranger on his last leg.
"You ever done heroin?" he asked.
"No never." I said."
"Yeah...So why are you out here anyway?"
"I'm on vacation sorta driving cross country to California."
"No shit..."
This kind of questioning went on and some point we ended up silently drinking, staring at a moon lit stream under a wooden bridge.
I'd made it to my second beer by now and he'd gone through another one too.
When all of a sudden everything started happening at once. My phone beeped with an email from work.
My boss wrote back nervously but not hostile or accusatory.
I was thinking of what I'd have to write back.
The junkie next to me asked, "Whats that?"
"Email from work...They're worried." I said.
"Oh what did you say you did?" he asked.
"Graphic design."
In the next minute or so my phone rang it was my wife.
Perfect timing...
I realized I completely forgotten what I had planned to say to my wife over the phone when I answered.
"Hey." I said.
"Where the hell are you?!" she yelled.
"Uhh Pennsylvania."
"COME HOME NOW!" again piercing my skull.
"I can't we discussed this last night remember?"
"Discussed it? I was drunk!"
"Well...It was a good night though..."
I looked over at the junkie guy and I capped the phone speaker for an instant and whispered, "My wife..."
He bobbed his head and sipped back another gulp of beer.
"...And you are supposed to drive them to school!"
"I thought you'd have seen the note in the morning no?"
I heard Jake trying to yell over her and his sister in the background, "She made me do it dad I wasn't gonna tell her!"
I was starting to get angry as she kept cursing and finding every verbal way to get at me.
Unsure of which logical approach to take, "Well thats just fucking great!" I said.
"IF you do not return home this instant I will call the police, I will file for a divorce I will take them away from you! This is not...This is not a joke or a story of yours!"
I sighed deeply and pretty much started pleading, I knew I couldn't win the argument when she said, "Get yourself the fuck together and come home!" and then the hangup.
Realizing a moment later what I'd actually wanted to say.
The junkie guy looked at me, "Damn man she sounds like a real bitch!"
"I know."
I finished another beer and wished the junkie under the bridge good luck.
"Keep the beer." I said.
"Hey thanks man!"
It made me feel better anyway.
Now that I made it back to the car I tried to figure out which issue to address first.
An angry wife or a worried boss.
Damn it!
Comments
Post a Comment