Borrowed Time
This month started off with another attempt at building a guitar.
I purchased a kit from Martin Guitar with their 1883 store.
It seemed they did 90% of the necessary work, a little gluing there, a little chiseling here, reduction and fitting of the soundboard and back plate, hammer down the frets, some drilling or tapering of the neck and I'd be done.
I tried to keep myself involved with anything other then the negativity I was thinking.
I did all I could to stay focused and disciplined.
I kept thinking back on honor, well what is that now? If you've already violated those principals by not committing to an action that could have saved so much heartache.
I started a writing frenzy on a long overdue novel because I knew a long chapter of my life was about to close.
I purchased a car I didn't really want to buy that needs plenty of work.
I was doing it mostly to help a friend's, friend, I expect to work on the car into the next month with my mechanic friend.
I am still frustrated over the lost time lines because they were meant to borrow time.
I realize now as soon as I tore them up that was the end of whatever sequence or goal that was to be obtained posthumously.
I could see and feel the entropy of the effect of losing them before I left California.
Things were becoming more and more out of control.
I suddenly realized what the error was, the guitar, when I sawed it in half whatever song that guitar was going to sing is gone now.
She wrote something that day and I am sure the words she wrote would have shattered me.
What remains to be seen is whether the end result, the outcome, is better or worse for everyone else.
I am doing whatever I can from throwing or breaking things.
It won't help anything but burying it does no good either
How do you explain their history to them when your history is fucked?
I watched The Last Emperor which was about the Last Emperor of China, Puyi.
It was really a message about being young being put in a position of power and watching him lose his image of himself as this powerful person and watching his country change around him.
It was a message about the cycle of life, there is always a younger generation that changes things, the little cricket at the end was a cute reminder that things don't really change but become new beginnings.
I decided to delete a post about an experience I had in this house because I figured it did no good and would only bring down others with me.
I watched Conversations with Other Women which was about the same couple at two different ages, unmarried then married. Cut between two different frames simultaneously.
Though played by two different couples you can see the toll age took on the relationship.
In one energy, youthful exuberance, innocence and in the other conversation, questions, guilt, and aged discomfort.
Otherwise I kept up with my yoga because its the best therapy I have right now.
I met up with a few old friends from around town, joking around and drinking.
I kept saying to myself, before you go do that and flip out be as productive as possible because whether you want to or not you're about to be pulled into some really deep shit.
I went out with my dad to the Poconos, with family, I had fun, playing bachi ball, messing around on the guitar, being overfed, taking a hit on a bowl that was really strong, swimming out in the lake and going to far out, panicking because I got stuck and felt like I was going to drown, good to have a god father around to jump in and save you.
When Robin Williams died his death caught me off guard as it did a lot of people.
I remember my own try at comedy, doing a few open mic nights and one live show (That ended with crickets and a little red light to get off the stage)
It isn't an easy business and when you don't get the laughs you can fall into a fit, or a breakdown on stage which in itself can be humiliating.
A lot of times actors or comedians are just trying to get out of themselves.
Whether it be abuse, or some kind of trauma, its another kind of therapy, to reach out to others.
Out of respect I watched, What Dreams May Come
I imagine shaking his hand with him saying, "Race ya for it!" and myself, "Deal!" and flying toward the pearly gates to see whoever would get their first.
I'm pretty sure I'd get there first, with all of the 72 virgins waiting I'd leave at least one to Robin of course. .
Even so I'm sure my stay there would be temporary.
As Always Keepin' it Square
-Astral Samurai
I purchased a kit from Martin Guitar with their 1883 store.
It seemed they did 90% of the necessary work, a little gluing there, a little chiseling here, reduction and fitting of the soundboard and back plate, hammer down the frets, some drilling or tapering of the neck and I'd be done.
I tried to keep myself involved with anything other then the negativity I was thinking.
I did all I could to stay focused and disciplined.
I kept thinking back on honor, well what is that now? If you've already violated those principals by not committing to an action that could have saved so much heartache.
I started a writing frenzy on a long overdue novel because I knew a long chapter of my life was about to close.
I purchased a car I didn't really want to buy that needs plenty of work.
I was doing it mostly to help a friend's, friend, I expect to work on the car into the next month with my mechanic friend.
I am still frustrated over the lost time lines because they were meant to borrow time.
I realize now as soon as I tore them up that was the end of whatever sequence or goal that was to be obtained posthumously.
I could see and feel the entropy of the effect of losing them before I left California.
Things were becoming more and more out of control.
I suddenly realized what the error was, the guitar, when I sawed it in half whatever song that guitar was going to sing is gone now.
She wrote something that day and I am sure the words she wrote would have shattered me.
What remains to be seen is whether the end result, the outcome, is better or worse for everyone else.
I am doing whatever I can from throwing or breaking things.
It won't help anything but burying it does no good either
How do you explain their history to them when your history is fucked?
I watched The Last Emperor which was about the Last Emperor of China, Puyi.
It was really a message about being young being put in a position of power and watching him lose his image of himself as this powerful person and watching his country change around him.
It was a message about the cycle of life, there is always a younger generation that changes things, the little cricket at the end was a cute reminder that things don't really change but become new beginnings.
I decided to delete a post about an experience I had in this house because I figured it did no good and would only bring down others with me.
I watched Conversations with Other Women which was about the same couple at two different ages, unmarried then married. Cut between two different frames simultaneously.
Though played by two different couples you can see the toll age took on the relationship.
In one energy, youthful exuberance, innocence and in the other conversation, questions, guilt, and aged discomfort.
Otherwise I kept up with my yoga because its the best therapy I have right now.
I met up with a few old friends from around town, joking around and drinking.
I kept saying to myself, before you go do that and flip out be as productive as possible because whether you want to or not you're about to be pulled into some really deep shit.
I went out with my dad to the Poconos, with family, I had fun, playing bachi ball, messing around on the guitar, being overfed, taking a hit on a bowl that was really strong, swimming out in the lake and going to far out, panicking because I got stuck and felt like I was going to drown, good to have a god father around to jump in and save you.
When Robin Williams died his death caught me off guard as it did a lot of people.
I remember my own try at comedy, doing a few open mic nights and one live show (That ended with crickets and a little red light to get off the stage)
It isn't an easy business and when you don't get the laughs you can fall into a fit, or a breakdown on stage which in itself can be humiliating.
A lot of times actors or comedians are just trying to get out of themselves.
Whether it be abuse, or some kind of trauma, its another kind of therapy, to reach out to others.
Out of respect I watched, What Dreams May Come
I imagine shaking his hand with him saying, "Race ya for it!" and myself, "Deal!" and flying toward the pearly gates to see whoever would get their first.
I'm pretty sure I'd get there first, with all of the 72 virgins waiting I'd leave at least one to Robin of course. .
Even so I'm sure my stay there would be temporary.
As Always Keepin' it Square
-Astral Samurai
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