Warming Up
With a new year and fresh ideas I looked forward to what this year could be. At the start of the month I challenged myself with an attempt at ice skating in Central Park. I fell three times much to the laughter of myself and others. I also went and got a new tatto which humorously reads, "Abort, retry. Fail_?" After all if they find the body it will at least give the coroner a good laugh.
The snow finally came down in New York and I had at least one good day in the snow.
plans to go back to california were already set in motion.
i went at the previous guitar build with all my energy.
having learned alot from the experience with the kit.
knowing what to do now made it that much easier.
and instead of being intimidated by it i looked at it as if it were another book i was writing or a painting.
i didnt expect to be dealing with other problems but they were minor compared to what they could have been.
i kept thinking through things recalling past conversations with nurses, psychiatrists...etc.
i remember asking one nurse, why do they do this to people?
this is what people do to themselves.
no this is what people do to people and there is always that vindictiveness somewhere on the edge of a persons mind if they have been hurt.
see i got you back
despite that line of pessimissim floating in the back of my mind i still kept to my yoga at least there i can be at peace and not think on negativity that would otherwise drive me completely mad.
i thought to translate and old document that presumably was written in french. the text itself was either trying to say two different things in the same sentence or google translator just sucks at translating to english. either way even if i were right about what i thought the text was it wouldnt change anything that would happen to me.
The difference in weather from new york to california was like going from the darkside of the moon to good day sunshine.
i kept thinking on things my mom used to say now understanding well after shes gone.
And now wishing there was something else I'd done.
Theres no going back to that experience it already happened.
i keep repeating unconsciously the 8 day gap in the timeline that is like a corridor or hallway in my mind.
Sadly the days will go by and each day that goes the more tight that corridor will become. like a vice tightening on a work bench. it is always on replay in my mind the same dialogue again and again,
"we're they really...
?"
"yeah they were really important.
"
"yeah they were really important.
"
Often with writers, their texts get a
anachronized or changed to fit a certain agenda or time period. i cant imagine the bible looking as it does today 2000 years ago.
Even the constitution looks a lot different then it did 200 years ago.
in todays day and age they call it second and 3rd editions.
id be interested to see what they do with my writing in the next 2000 years hell an eon from now.
What would history even say about me?
Theres still so many unknowns but im curious if anything i develop will end up as a benefit.
Like anything of value if it is abused it looses its value.
Thinking on ideals and looking at star trek as an example utopia.
But i wonder if the reality of human ego, pride, and stubborness would even make that a possibility.
i am either benefitting humanity or just adding to the long sad part of history that results in war, death, and destruction.
Again there is no way to know.
i am happy this month despite the loss of my wallet from walking into the field at night.
there is always something, mysterious about that field, i am at peace there like walking on the astral plane itself i feel free there.
I did get my wallet back from a good semeritan.
i was almost certain it wouldn't come back to me.
i dont know what the future looks like not yet.
but i want whoever is reading to know the individual always has power.
they may tell you dont and they will always try to crush out your will.
but your life is your own.
dont look at me as an example i have been bled, bruised and broken.
fight for yourself.
keep writing, keep thinking, keep experiencing life, take a walk where no one else would go, jump in a body of water and swim, run, fly, and keep moving.
there is a speech that i often think of from babylon 5.
we are dreamers, shapers, singers, makers and we know many things.
how to take back dreams when the world has taken them from you, how to say good bye to a loved one dieing, seven words that will make someone fall in love with you forever, 10 words to let them go without pain, how to laugh, how to cry.
ya know a thousand years ago they wouldnt have believed we could build something like this, they wouldve thought of it as magic.
perhaps it is the magic of the human heart made manifest.
and with that i leave this month with an open heart.
The snow finally came down in New York and I had at least one good day in the snow.
plans to go back to california were already set in motion.
i went at the previous guitar build with all my energy.
having learned alot from the experience with the kit.
knowing what to do now made it that much easier.
and instead of being intimidated by it i looked at it as if it were another book i was writing or a painting.
i didnt expect to be dealing with other problems but they were minor compared to what they could have been.
i kept thinking through things recalling past conversations with nurses, psychiatrists...etc.
i remember asking one nurse, why do they do this to people?
this is what people do to themselves.
no this is what people do to people and there is always that vindictiveness somewhere on the edge of a persons mind if they have been hurt.
see i got you back
despite that line of pessimissim floating in the back of my mind i still kept to my yoga at least there i can be at peace and not think on negativity that would otherwise drive me completely mad.
i thought to translate and old document that presumably was written in french. the text itself was either trying to say two different things in the same sentence or google translator just sucks at translating to english. either way even if i were right about what i thought the text was it wouldnt change anything that would happen to me.
The difference in weather from new york to california was like going from the darkside of the moon to good day sunshine.
i kept thinking on things my mom used to say now understanding well after shes gone.
And now wishing there was something else I'd done.
Theres no going back to that experience it already happened.
i keep repeating unconsciously the 8 day gap in the timeline that is like a corridor or hallway in my mind.
Sadly the days will go by and each day that goes the more tight that corridor will become. like a vice tightening on a work bench. it is always on replay in my mind the same dialogue again and again,
"we're they really...
?"
"yeah they were really important.
"
"yeah they were really important.
"
Often with writers, their texts get a
anachronized or changed to fit a certain agenda or time period. i cant imagine the bible looking as it does today 2000 years ago.
Even the constitution looks a lot different then it did 200 years ago.
in todays day and age they call it second and 3rd editions.
id be interested to see what they do with my writing in the next 2000 years hell an eon from now.
What would history even say about me?
Theres still so many unknowns but im curious if anything i develop will end up as a benefit.
Like anything of value if it is abused it looses its value.
Thinking on ideals and looking at star trek as an example utopia.
But i wonder if the reality of human ego, pride, and stubborness would even make that a possibility.
i am either benefitting humanity or just adding to the long sad part of history that results in war, death, and destruction.
Again there is no way to know.
i am happy this month despite the loss of my wallet from walking into the field at night.
there is always something, mysterious about that field, i am at peace there like walking on the astral plane itself i feel free there.
I did get my wallet back from a good semeritan.
i was almost certain it wouldn't come back to me.
i dont know what the future looks like not yet.
but i want whoever is reading to know the individual always has power.
they may tell you dont and they will always try to crush out your will.
but your life is your own.
dont look at me as an example i have been bled, bruised and broken.
fight for yourself.
keep writing, keep thinking, keep experiencing life, take a walk where no one else would go, jump in a body of water and swim, run, fly, and keep moving.
there is a speech that i often think of from babylon 5.
we are dreamers, shapers, singers, makers and we know many things.
how to take back dreams when the world has taken them from you, how to say good bye to a loved one dieing, seven words that will make someone fall in love with you forever, 10 words to let them go without pain, how to laugh, how to cry.
ya know a thousand years ago they wouldnt have believed we could build something like this, they wouldve thought of it as magic.
perhaps it is the magic of the human heart made manifest.
and with that i leave this month with an open heart.
Comments
Post a Comment