History
In my youth history was a favorite subject of mine, I remember reading from the 1st page to the last of the school textbook.
I cried for sometime, the death, the tragedy, I blamed myself and I sunk into a depression for many years only trying to fight my way out of it in later years.
Humor is what makes humans unique, a laugh can be a way to remind yourself not to take it all so seriously.
The Roman Empire collapsed through religion, they were great administrators bringing taxes in from all over the empire, even foreigners could find there way into the merchant class.
What if we make the same mistake?
What if religion slowly detonates our democracy like the Roman's?
Its an interesting experiment there are so many voices to be heard but so few that listen.
I often look around me and see how much progress we've made technologically the word of the day is innovation and not administration.
Our government is looked on with much disdain for being large, expensive, and mired in red tape.
A social worker, or a psychiatrist isn't going to care about what the next 100 years are going to look like forget the next thousand it wouldn't even cross their mind.
All they care about is containing a problem or threat from spilling into the rest of society.
In my own pessimism I've started calling it, "The American Holocaust."
Because so many are declared mentally ill before they even suck on their first pacifier.
It is so easy to make a judgement without knowing someone.
Instant Gratification as they say but also instant judgement.
I find it ironic that I am treated some of the time as a threat.
I actually consider myself a conformist and a pacifist.
I've been walked on time and again but I don't let this stop me from thinking, writing or practicing yoga.
You cannot keep a good man down.
My curiosity is in this will we continue the human story beyond our planet while there is still time?
Or will we foolishly deny that there is other life and opportunities?
This is what history I want to know, did we make it and at that did we really learn anything?
I like to think this is the middle of the human story and with our eventual fate in the stars the last chapter of what l look at as a grand opera in which so many are involved ignorant of it or not.
The future is waiting to be understood and known.
I don't want to learn that through all my efforts to know whats ahead, and to benefit what would be an otherwise inconclusive story we fall short.
It will either be a golden age of incredible discovery or this is the zenith, will it end to say, "People are crazy!" The end!
Let this voice, these words carry some value because time can either be an ally or an enemy.
Will it be said that all of it was just to repeat history?
I very much would hope for time as an ally and not something I will personally come to hate.
On a personal note I used this month for writing, I also checked on a hunch I had about someone I met more then a decade ago. I wanted to see if the relation was personal and proved that it wasn't allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief. Not because I did not like the person just that his life endured a kind of suffering, the kind in which you are told what to do and forced to stay in one place for an exact duration. I also found he is a writer as well something we would both share.
I am looking for pause as I expect intensity, action, and a measure of chaos that will introduce itself into my life.
There were two weddings in the same weekend.
Both were taxing on me, I regret in some fashion the way I acted, not for doing something wrong but not doing enough, not saying enough.
What difference would it make?
I always hold back in conversation because I do not want to disappoint that person.
I was told I'm a poor communicator before and this is usually because I just do not know what to say.
Who would understand, timelines, running dialogue from all the characters in a fictional format passing back and forth in my mind anyway?
I wouldn't say its a unique gift but it has always helped as a almost a blanket when I feel that awkwardness in social settings.
Lastly I've made a few new friends though I try not to take that word as literally as it is thought.
A Facebook friend does not necessarily translate into a standard "friend" talk to the wall, not the person.
I also was surprised to find my former mentor on there and I am not so surprised that he did not reply.
I learned a lot from him when I was younger but I did not know I was being tested on something, something very important.
It had more to do with character then just knowledge.
I swallow my tongue before I say anymore.
I try not to think on the things I regret but certain things are of such a painful nature that it is hard to surrender the remorse.
Whatever the future might hold it is exactly that what you see is what you get.
As far as personal history, mistakes are made but it is always that you have to make the mistake to learn the lesson.
Some lessons can be fatal and I am sure in my life there will too many lessons learned and like any good chess player one mistake can ruin an entire game.
This month went by like lightning and I expect that August will go by even quicker.
With California in my mind and in my plans I expect September to come quickly and I expect to finish the guitar I started there last year.
If I finish that build I will say it was a modest success.
Though since last year all the chips got thrown in the air and I am still waiting to see where they will land.
Keepin' it square
-Astral
I cried for sometime, the death, the tragedy, I blamed myself and I sunk into a depression for many years only trying to fight my way out of it in later years.
Humor is what makes humans unique, a laugh can be a way to remind yourself not to take it all so seriously.
The Roman Empire collapsed through religion, they were great administrators bringing taxes in from all over the empire, even foreigners could find there way into the merchant class.
What if we make the same mistake?
What if religion slowly detonates our democracy like the Roman's?
Its an interesting experiment there are so many voices to be heard but so few that listen.
I often look around me and see how much progress we've made technologically the word of the day is innovation and not administration.
Our government is looked on with much disdain for being large, expensive, and mired in red tape.
A social worker, or a psychiatrist isn't going to care about what the next 100 years are going to look like forget the next thousand it wouldn't even cross their mind.
All they care about is containing a problem or threat from spilling into the rest of society.
In my own pessimism I've started calling it, "The American Holocaust."
Because so many are declared mentally ill before they even suck on their first pacifier.
It is so easy to make a judgement without knowing someone.
Instant Gratification as they say but also instant judgement.
I find it ironic that I am treated some of the time as a threat.
I actually consider myself a conformist and a pacifist.
I've been walked on time and again but I don't let this stop me from thinking, writing or practicing yoga.
You cannot keep a good man down.
My curiosity is in this will we continue the human story beyond our planet while there is still time?
Or will we foolishly deny that there is other life and opportunities?
This is what history I want to know, did we make it and at that did we really learn anything?
I like to think this is the middle of the human story and with our eventual fate in the stars the last chapter of what l look at as a grand opera in which so many are involved ignorant of it or not.
The future is waiting to be understood and known.
I don't want to learn that through all my efforts to know whats ahead, and to benefit what would be an otherwise inconclusive story we fall short.
It will either be a golden age of incredible discovery or this is the zenith, will it end to say, "People are crazy!" The end!
Let this voice, these words carry some value because time can either be an ally or an enemy.
Will it be said that all of it was just to repeat history?
I very much would hope for time as an ally and not something I will personally come to hate.
On a personal note I used this month for writing, I also checked on a hunch I had about someone I met more then a decade ago. I wanted to see if the relation was personal and proved that it wasn't allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief. Not because I did not like the person just that his life endured a kind of suffering, the kind in which you are told what to do and forced to stay in one place for an exact duration. I also found he is a writer as well something we would both share.
I am looking for pause as I expect intensity, action, and a measure of chaos that will introduce itself into my life.
There were two weddings in the same weekend.
Both were taxing on me, I regret in some fashion the way I acted, not for doing something wrong but not doing enough, not saying enough.
What difference would it make?
I always hold back in conversation because I do not want to disappoint that person.
I was told I'm a poor communicator before and this is usually because I just do not know what to say.
Who would understand, timelines, running dialogue from all the characters in a fictional format passing back and forth in my mind anyway?
I wouldn't say its a unique gift but it has always helped as a almost a blanket when I feel that awkwardness in social settings.
Lastly I've made a few new friends though I try not to take that word as literally as it is thought.
A Facebook friend does not necessarily translate into a standard "friend" talk to the wall, not the person.
I also was surprised to find my former mentor on there and I am not so surprised that he did not reply.
I learned a lot from him when I was younger but I did not know I was being tested on something, something very important.
It had more to do with character then just knowledge.
I swallow my tongue before I say anymore.
I try not to think on the things I regret but certain things are of such a painful nature that it is hard to surrender the remorse.
Whatever the future might hold it is exactly that what you see is what you get.
As far as personal history, mistakes are made but it is always that you have to make the mistake to learn the lesson.
Some lessons can be fatal and I am sure in my life there will too many lessons learned and like any good chess player one mistake can ruin an entire game.
This month went by like lightning and I expect that August will go by even quicker.
With California in my mind and in my plans I expect September to come quickly and I expect to finish the guitar I started there last year.
If I finish that build I will say it was a modest success.
Though since last year all the chips got thrown in the air and I am still waiting to see where they will land.
Keepin' it square
-Astral
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