As The Dust Settles
I expected August to fly by I knew I'd be flying out to California in the beginning of September.
I kept up with Yoga, writing quite a bit in free time, I toned down the gaming which still remains something of an addiction.
I met up with a few friends who always seem to be doing the same things, work, school, film projects that might or might not get done.
I always come back to them because they are reliable and I'm comfortable with them.
With three quarters of the year near its end I can only do with what I have.
My shop is back in California, and that guitar needs to be finished.
I bought a new top for the soundboard, and some additional fretwire since I remembered running short.
I was pretty confident it would be an easier task now that I have experience building one from a kit.
For the most part this year got thrown up in the air, way up in the air, and I didn't have any idea where the pieces were going to land.
Fortunately after the confusion that spawned due to the loss of a piece of essential information I manage to keep my head above water though just barely.
Now with the dust settling and my goal attainable again I'm not so pissed about my year being detracted by people who otherwise couldn't give two shits about what I want or what I am trying to do with my life.
I am only pointing toward an organization that you wouldn't invite to your front door.
I don't trust them, and I don't care for their mockery either pretending to care.
That set aside if I finish the second guitar build I'll call the year a modest success.
I still expect that I'll be writing into "The Aftermen" til early 2016 if not longer.
The first week of August remained simple and I expected to meet up with a friend again in the city.
She told me she was getting surgery and I wasn't sure if I'd be seeing her at all during the month.
We ended up meeting in the city to a movie, dinner and drinks.
I felt depressed for some of the month, I kept thinking about things my mom was trying to tell me.
I didn't understand because I had to make the mistake before learning the lesson.
Now shes gone, and maybe god took her away because I knew too much already.
If there is such a thing of which most recently I've become a firm disbeliever.
I've gone in and out of guilt trips for things that haven't even happened yet.
I doubt I'll ever be strong enough, not strong enough to protect the people I love.
Not strong enough to protect myself, not strong enough to fight time and as the years will go by there will be a day when I will be too old and anything I've left behind or contributed could go to waste.
It is too early to say and yet I still feel guilty.
The month continued to fly by and I was strategizing the pending guitar build way before I was even in California.
I tried not bother myself over the stupid timelines.
It wasn't just the loss of the timelines but the manner in which they were lost.
I was saving them to save time, to reverse damage that I realize now was never correctable.
There is a cynical part of me that is constantly affirming the idea that people really don't care about each other.
Its impossible to prove, but so obvious most of the time.
Human instinct follows self preservation and if one doesn't need that person there of no care to them.
However I refuse to believe that history will end with the epitaph "People are crazy." the end.
I don't know if there is an error in the timeline but whatever the future holds that is exactly what it is.
Theres no alternate timelines, no fixing time.
On and on it goes round and round, where it stops, nobody knows.
Despite my cynicism and the annoyance of several untimely, unpredictable things, I am still standing but for how long really?
How long til the next catastrophe hits and I'm out on something again?
Who knows, who cares?
As for dreams there was one dream this month that stuck out vividly.
Two people were doing a person to person blood transfusion.
"I want to experience the effects of Ammonium Onoxide."
"You'll go back to puberty."
I could see clearly the blood being sucked from a tube from a male to a female.
I woke up alarmed because of the clarity of the dream.
I tried to fit in as much time with friends as I could.
Other then deeply rooted philosophical questions that as yet go unanswered I had a decent month.
Maintaining myself and staying true to what I want out of the rest of the year.
With months end and a little over budget then expected next months trip seems well deserved for such a chaotic and distraught year of which my productivity was nearly brought to nil.
With months end & sweat on my brow i am looking forward not back.
Keepin it square [ ]
-Astral
I kept up with Yoga, writing quite a bit in free time, I toned down the gaming which still remains something of an addiction.
I met up with a few friends who always seem to be doing the same things, work, school, film projects that might or might not get done.
I always come back to them because they are reliable and I'm comfortable with them.
With three quarters of the year near its end I can only do with what I have.
My shop is back in California, and that guitar needs to be finished.
I bought a new top for the soundboard, and some additional fretwire since I remembered running short.
I was pretty confident it would be an easier task now that I have experience building one from a kit.
For the most part this year got thrown up in the air, way up in the air, and I didn't have any idea where the pieces were going to land.
Fortunately after the confusion that spawned due to the loss of a piece of essential information I manage to keep my head above water though just barely.
Now with the dust settling and my goal attainable again I'm not so pissed about my year being detracted by people who otherwise couldn't give two shits about what I want or what I am trying to do with my life.
I am only pointing toward an organization that you wouldn't invite to your front door.
I don't trust them, and I don't care for their mockery either pretending to care.
That set aside if I finish the second guitar build I'll call the year a modest success.
I still expect that I'll be writing into "The Aftermen" til early 2016 if not longer.
The first week of August remained simple and I expected to meet up with a friend again in the city.
She told me she was getting surgery and I wasn't sure if I'd be seeing her at all during the month.
We ended up meeting in the city to a movie, dinner and drinks.
I felt depressed for some of the month, I kept thinking about things my mom was trying to tell me.
I didn't understand because I had to make the mistake before learning the lesson.
Now shes gone, and maybe god took her away because I knew too much already.
If there is such a thing of which most recently I've become a firm disbeliever.
I've gone in and out of guilt trips for things that haven't even happened yet.
I doubt I'll ever be strong enough, not strong enough to protect the people I love.
Not strong enough to protect myself, not strong enough to fight time and as the years will go by there will be a day when I will be too old and anything I've left behind or contributed could go to waste.
It is too early to say and yet I still feel guilty.
The month continued to fly by and I was strategizing the pending guitar build way before I was even in California.
I tried not bother myself over the stupid timelines.
It wasn't just the loss of the timelines but the manner in which they were lost.
I was saving them to save time, to reverse damage that I realize now was never correctable.
There is a cynical part of me that is constantly affirming the idea that people really don't care about each other.
Its impossible to prove, but so obvious most of the time.
Human instinct follows self preservation and if one doesn't need that person there of no care to them.
However I refuse to believe that history will end with the epitaph "People are crazy." the end.
I don't know if there is an error in the timeline but whatever the future holds that is exactly what it is.
Theres no alternate timelines, no fixing time.
On and on it goes round and round, where it stops, nobody knows.
Despite my cynicism and the annoyance of several untimely, unpredictable things, I am still standing but for how long really?
How long til the next catastrophe hits and I'm out on something again?
Who knows, who cares?
As for dreams there was one dream this month that stuck out vividly.
Two people were doing a person to person blood transfusion.
"I want to experience the effects of Ammonium Onoxide."
"You'll go back to puberty."
I could see clearly the blood being sucked from a tube from a male to a female.
I woke up alarmed because of the clarity of the dream.
I tried to fit in as much time with friends as I could.
Other then deeply rooted philosophical questions that as yet go unanswered I had a decent month.
Maintaining myself and staying true to what I want out of the rest of the year.
With months end and a little over budget then expected next months trip seems well deserved for such a chaotic and distraught year of which my productivity was nearly brought to nil.
With months end & sweat on my brow i am looking forward not back.
Keepin it square [ ]
-Astral
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