Under The Guise of a Winter Sun

It has been a quiet winter, less snow more rain. The occasional wind chill to remind the body of its fragility. An old flame has been lit once again and I find myself in the spells of romance. I've dreamed more often, like in a hibernation of some old bear waiting until its warm again to go back into the wilds of an uncertain world. Things have moved slow, and I write at a snails pace into a former novel that I left behind sometime ago. All the feelings that come from a failed relationship, losses in my family, and my own emotional instability. While the winter is mild I have tried to stay outside, to keep doing and to continue in the practice of yoga. There are many uncertainties about where I will be this year but I expect change, a much delayed change and more responsibilities then I am used to. I haven't gone on any adventures other then a single trip to Manhattan with the ambition to develop a photo for the cover of my awaited novel, "Rose for Rosario" I have been healthier then most previous years. I usually end up with 5 days worth of steak for a decent dinner, and cold cuts for lunch. I've been eating eggs which in past have not sat will with my stomach. I am anxious to put together the novel which is years overdue. I wait for winter to go and then I expect change in my life, a major change, mostly worn through some conflict, both external and internal. My dreams have been abundant, but I don't document them as I have more often in the past. Some have been about my parents who now are both gone, I have had more distant dreams that can't be now. I have been wake dreaming or day dreaming, and these dreams I understand, they are about her, and are tied to what I want in our relationship. I am certain they are to be true but will take time to become reality. I sometimes wonder on alternatives, but now the reality is set there are none. I sometimes have dreamed on an old friend, a being of light that visits at home from time to time. I know who he is now. He is like a strange protector, but yet a stalker too.

While I try to put together the manuscript for Rose for Rosario, I expect September of this year will spawn something I've waited for, for a long time. I am anxious to finish the book before the event I anticipate occurs. I was sure on something, and now I am even more sure of it now that I am in a state of complete awareness of the 7th chakra, that spiritual connection is on fire,  and my 3rd eye has shown me so much all at once. I practice yoga weekly but I am worn, my body has felt like it is harder to perform over the last few weeks. I have a convoluted schedule, going home for the weekend, staying at the apartment on the weekdays, while having to take public transportation. I keep my eyes down so as to not garner any attention I don't want. Its been quiet, but all the trappings of losing my dad now have made things harder. I'd give all of it away to have him back. He was a pillar of support for me, and now without him the emotional gap wanes on me, who do I go to bitch now? There isn't much for me to say.