Ambitions

This year has moved quickly, as if time has become more rapid on its own momentum.
I have high hopes for this year, and I am aiming to meet the ambitions I started for.
I must remind myself not to neglect the smaller things, writing a page into a novel, a photograph, making sure the house is clean, remembering the everyday things that I have passively let go because I am thinking too hard on what I have to do next in the larger sense.
I have been dreaming though they are vague, grey and are easily lost on waking to thoughts of what I have to do for the rest of the day.
I have not let myself have too much fun.
With fun there is enjoyment but there is also a lax of discipline resulting from it.
I cannot lose the discipline I have worked so hard to attain.
This is a catch up year because I am trying to catch up with myself, the things, and people I left behind.
There have been a few small setbacks that hurt enough to make me rethink plans.
What those plans are I will not say.
By April I should know whether this year will be what I want it to be.
If past April the circumstances I am looking for don't happen then the year will take its own form.
All expectations will wane as the year progresses.
If my expectations are met, if what I think is coming finally does come this year then I will be faced with a new set of challenges.
Patience is the key here.
You can't open a door if you have the wrong key.
And I must be careful when opening the door because I am not entirely sure exactly what will be behind it.
With uncertainty comes reluctance.
I am reluctant to proceed with a plan I'm not sure about and I need the other half of the plan to come together on its own accord.
I know I cannot win in this battle but I must at least try.
She needs to know this, that I have to prove to her that I really do love her because nothing else will be enough.
Money is nothing, talk while taken for granted is still not enough for her.
She will not appear here without myself at my absolute best.
When she sees that the wait will finally end.
Some men wait for the woman they truly love their whole lives and never see them again.
I will be one of the men that sees the woman I truly love and the love will be returned.
There will however be a very high price to pay for that.
Not in money but in time.
But the reward will be the time spent with her.

A familiar voice tells me,
And if you told them the truth, they would never believe you anyway man.

I want to say more because there is so much to tell but for fear of prying eyes I must end my words short here.