Old Dreams, New Nightmares

Theres too many nightmares now & I can't win but it is not about winning. It is about living. My soul has found something special and I want to keep it but it is not mine. I serve the dream it would be selfish to keep it for myself. She is still with me and now I feel here presence more strongly then ever. My heart thumps loudly, my strength is renewed. The days are bright and full and I know where to go with them next. My life has changed I watched the sun raise then set the sun comes back down and my house is haunted. Haunted by memories past and future from things I want to see and love. My life has changed in one moment to something greater then what I could have imagined all those years ago. I am in love with her again. I am spending all of my money on her because its necessary to see her. She has been an ideal friend for years and now things are changing the dream is changing, I am changing. My feelings are changing for her and my desire grows. She showed me small parts of her life that I truly wish I could be a part of but distraction and responsibility to my surroundings prevent anything else. I will be with her as the dream dictates and one day maybe in the next two years we will see each other. The cost in time will be so it is that i see her before I wanted to after it is too late I expect that she will tare me apart before this event reaches its climax. 

While I look forward to the future the path I am following will be a lot harder to follow then I thought.

My family is fighting me and now I am being backed against a wall. What happens when you back someone against a wall? They fight their way back out of it.

My mother in her infinite wisdom had said, don't trust anyone. 

This stands true, more true now, I feel very alone knowing that I cannot trust some of my family. 

I should've listened to her advice more closely. 

I am stuck fighting legalities in court now and this was something my family insisted on. '

It is a tragic waste of time, money and emotionally stressful. 

It is now a blind pursuit of power on the part of my family. 

I see the consequences for these legal actions and the family member doesn't realize how destructive they truly are in pursing this course of action.

What implications it will have on the long term situation for both of us. 

How it destroys both of us and the consequences for pursuing this while developing technology that I've yet to invent. 

We will be tied up in court for years now fighting over my financial power. 

So this is my new nightmare, a trial I didn't anticipate not the one I wanted, not for the consequences I thought I'd suffer under. 

I still have a back up plan, it will result in failure but the success is that I am identified for who I am. 

As opposed to staying invisible. 

This is becoming more about suffering injustices and righting them by sheer will power. 

I'll take the entire system down if I have to, just to make the point that they were wrong about me. 

This is my punishment for knowing before anyone else does what the outcome is in my own life.