December Heat

December was an attempt to get back on my feet.

I sold on Microvision, yep they decided not to reply to a share holder so that's the short end to a company that actually ended up fooling me. All but 20 of the 800 shares have been sold and I'm disappointed that the company didn't care to reply to one of my ideas. 

I also sold on Nextdoor all but ten shares left. 

It will go up eventually both will but because of the moral and the financial situation I'm in it was necessary to sell both.

They didn't say anything about an idea I had either. 

December was a work month for me and I have lined up several models to shoot with for 2022. 

My friend blocked me on her phone and refuses to speak with me.

Ive thought about suicide on a daily basis because I don't have her support. 

Pilling out and taking all the anti psychotics I have at once just to make the point to her that she really hurt me.

There a only a few reasons I have not done it.

Its with absolute certainty I must exist at another point in time.

It's expensive I'd spend thousands in the hospital recovering.

It's time consuming I'll be there for weeks in the ICU waiting for them to pump my stomach.

Pain while I have a high pain tolerance it is not as high as it was ten years ago. 

They would by default throw me in a psych ward right after by default.

I can't for the time being waste the time.

It's more valuable than any money can afford.

I saw a good old friend who I'd trust with my life.

Driving around most of the month still as a ride share.

The year ends with hope and ambition.

It is now January and I have decided to stop driving as a ride share.

It is too dangerous in New York to be a ride share.

I am also offended by certain things.

One of my riders reported me as an unsafe driver.

Bitch I drove perfectly, I drive the posted limit or less. "He drivin' slow..." I am so unhappy that one of the riders even said that I was unsafe. I did a pros and cons list and there are far more cons than pros.

Pros

I am paid.

Satisfaction in knowing I transported someone safely.

Socialization.

Cons

Risk of getting into an accident by irresponsible drivers.

Risk of hitting a pedestrian who wasn't paying attention.

Ware on the car over usage.

Gas costs.

Stress from driving.

Stress from obnoxious or demanding riders.

Possibly getting sick from a rider.

Riders engaged in illegal activities that I don't want to be involved with.

Rascist or hypocritical riders.

Danger of being assaulted or robbed both by riders and in certain locations.

Traffic.

Having to drive insanely early to avoid traffic.

Taxes on rides.

There's just too many negatives.

So that being said I am deliberately putting a stop to it.

Drivers get used and some but not all riders take drivers for granted.

So it's the best possible thing for me to stop driving for rideshare companies.

It's seriously dangerous and they are trying to force trips I will not take.

I will not drive out to Manhattan.

It's beyond dangerous, it is a nightmare.

I don't even drive out there for myself.

I take the train.

So that is it for my career in transportation.

Uber was absolutely awful.

Yes there were some moments where I was genuinely happy to get a rider to their location.

But for the most part I would wake up and dread going online and having a trip out west to Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens.

Lyft is good at communicating with drivers.

But horrible at matching with good trips that are suitable to the kind of rides I will accept.

I also became slightly annoyed that riders would call me Uber when clearly you are a Lyft passenger that obviously used Uber at some point got kicked from the platform and had to go to Lyft.

Much like I was as a driver.

Yeah that was pretty shady.

I could say that about 3 out of 5 rides were "shady" with both platforms.

I'm no longer interested in doing something I don't want to do.

It's time to turn the page and go into another field. Again.

I'm now able to focus on what's important in my personal life.

Instead of waking up every morning preparing to drive and worrying about that instead of my own personal issues, the house and my other responsibilities.

It's a welcome change. 

My work goal for the year is to land a job in photography.

I've been working towards building my portfolio up and I have plans to expand my portfolio a lot this year.

Still I suspect it will not be easy to find a job as a paid photographer.

It seems to me that most photographers have extensive schooling.

That they have been practicing much longer and more seriously than I have.

That they know their camera extremely well.

I am still an amateur trying to go pro.

Lastly though grossly off topic I want to reiterate the current political climate of distrust.

This democracy we've come to know and love is dieing.

By 2032 it will be dissolved for a more reasonable union. 

I see the pieces and they are being played. 

As always keepin' square.

See ya around.

In Your Dreams.

-Samurai